PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
