I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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