I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
