Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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