Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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