The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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