I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
