very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
