Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
