I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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