Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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