Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
