stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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