fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
