oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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