so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
