I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
