he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I FOUND THE LEGS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
