She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
