i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
