they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
