The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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