he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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