We're like a lot better than the average bears
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
