I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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