Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
