Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
