So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
