Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
