She said her name was "party"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
