this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
