So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
