first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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