You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
