I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize