So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
