At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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