Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
