She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
