he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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