when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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