Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize