Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
