god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
