I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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