Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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