dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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