K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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