Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
