So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
