I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize