My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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