Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
