We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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