Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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