I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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