1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
