I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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