i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
