dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
