In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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