Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
