Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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