Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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