Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
