I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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