Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
