i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
