Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
