I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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