I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize