This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
