life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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