Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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