i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize