I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
