i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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