Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
