You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
