how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
