the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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